How helping other people can help us

Paula, a former service user, shares how helping other people has made a huge difference in her life and wellbeing.

A psychiatrist I heard speaking on a news programme some years ago offered a piece of advice that has helped me enormously: “Do something for somebody else”.

He went on to say that, for people with mental health difficulties, regularly helping someone else made them well, at least in part. He elaborated on this hypothesis by stressing that the dynamics of a person’s life changed and improved when helping other people, even in a small way. 

Why does this work? Because our brains work in a different way when they are thinking outside of their usual pattern. Thinking of other people puts our thoughts on a different path. Distressing thoughts are stopped when they no longer take centre-stage and, suddenly, with relatively little effort, we find ourselves in a far better and easier place to be in our thoughts. 

Everyone has something to give

The good news is that we can think of other people’s needs and help them, for a good portion of our free time. Everybody is able to help other people, even if at first it seems like a mountain to climb. 

A service user or former service user may be tempted to feel that they are unable to help another person. They may think, “who can I help, and how may I help them?”. The fact is that everyone is unique, and everyone has gifts particular to themselves. No one else has your smile, or your charisma; no one else has your way at looking at the world. No one else has your combined experience of life, or life skills learned. That puts you in the unique place of being able to give what someone else is unable to give.

That’s one of the reasons that people in societies everywhere form themselves into groups and teams. If there are, for example, six people on a team, they will each have a role to play which is unique to them, based on their talents and what they have to offer. We are no different. For example, perhaps you are good at crocheting: a friend of yours who has a new baby may want you to crochet a baby outfit or baptismal robe. Perhaps you learned pottery as an inpatient in hospital and can make a vase or jug for a relative’s birthday. Or perhaps you can paint, and you paint a beautiful sunset scene to give as a gift to someone who rarely gets a gift. These examples are just a few of the many things we can do to make a difference. The list goes on and on. 

You will feel a difference when you help others

Make helping other people a priority. You can feel other wonderful emotions.  After helping another person, your confidence will soar. You will feel calmer. You are needed, and you can flower. And the other good news is that your frightened, anxious or worried thoughts have been put to flight, for now at least. At this point, keep affirming yourself: “well done!”.

Help can come in lots of small ways

Look around you. Everywhere, people need a helping hand, and you are in a position to help. Ask yourself what your gift or gifts are, and use them to help someone who doesn’t have that gift. An example is an old neighbour who can’t cut her garden’s grass, and looks out every day hoping somehow she’ll get it cut. Imagine you have a well-functioning lawnmower, and you can cut your neighbour’s grass with ease. Imagine how you will feel afterwards! Imagine the pleasure you’ll feel; imagine your pride; imagine the satisfaction you get. Maybe you haven’t felt these sorts of emotions for a long time. Now, you are experiencing your life in a different way, and the other person – in this case, your neighbour - has benefitted hugely. It is a win-win situation.

Take a minute to ask yourself: “How can I help?  What are my gifts?”. You may not be in a position to cut someone else’s grass, but perhaps you drive: does your neighbour need a few groceries, but can’t get to the shops? Could you regularly get them, for example, the basic supplies, like milk, bread, and the newspaper? Think of how happy you will make your neighbour, and how delighted you will be with yourself!

Helping other people isn’t restricted to your neighbours. There is a big world out there that you can make a difference to. You can be a person who helps. It can improve the quality of your life, in addition to helping other people. Perhaps for example, you have studied teaching English as a foreign language; could you then look at teaching someone living here who doesn’t speak English once a week for free? Imagine how that’s such a blessing for that person and how pleased you will feel yourself.

If you have other gifts, put them at the service of someone who really needs them. If you can’t think of anyone right now who needs your help, make enquiries. Perhaps you hear, for example, of someone living in your area who is too old to walk their dog, but loves the dog and would like it to be able to get its walks in. Your kindness to the person in providing this service blesses them and makes you happy too. Soon you could find yourself looking forward to walking the dog and find that you have acquired a new habit, which also becomes a hobby that benefits both yourself and others. What a way to live your life!

Helping others helps you

In my own life, if I were to choose the top five tips that have helped keep me well for almost two decades, thinking of other people is there. I have consciously and deliberately put helping others right at the top of my list. When a person is thinking of someone else, it’s as if the mind is latching onto another ladder against the wall. Instead of feeling vulnerable and lost, the new ladder against the wall is one where your mind is free for some time from thinking of yourself. Temporarily, at least, you are free of worry and anxiety about yourself. Your mind is in a different place; it’s on a different trajectory. After you have helped someone else, you will feel different: you will feel positive about yourself and you will plan to help others again, because the difference in feeling and thought are so great. When you consciously and deliberately help others, you are hugely helped yourself.

I wish you many blessings in finding the thing or things that you can do to help another person or people. It is so rewarding for you, and such a benefit for them. Make caring for others a part of your care plan for yourself.

Paula is a member of our Service User and Supporters Council (SUAS). All views and opinions expressed here are the author’s own.

Learn more about SUAS

SUAS is one of our service user engagement groups. Members are very active in informing how we develop our services and ensuring service users' voices are heard.

Learn more about SUAS here